Wrapping It Up, or Holy Crap I’m Almost 40!

Today is the last day of my Sorbet Year. I can’t believe it’s really done. So much has happened, and there is still so much more that I want to do. But that is the good part–that there is still so much that I want to do. I am moving forward now after a year of stops and starts and introspection and prayer. This is it, and I am ready for my next adventure.

Blog-wise it feels really weird to let this go. It’s been such a part of my life for the past 6 months that I feel like I’m saying good-bye to a dear friend. However, all is not lost. I’ve started a new blog called Local Geographic. I was inspired by several things for this one: the movie Up, a manifesto written by Ian Belknap (genius), and a website run by my networking pal, Theresa Carter, called The Local Tourist.

I’ve decided to look at my life as an adventure to be had instead of a series of crap to get through. I’ve grown comfortable with a certain amount of change and growth over the past year, and I believe by focusing on the purpose of the new blog, I’ll similarly keep my life focused in that happy direction as well.

Thank you to everyone who read and supported me here, especially Ali and my Mom, who commented the most. Please check out my new blog tomorrow for my first posting. God bless.

Revised Goals

Having looked over my goals recently, I realized I was not even close to achieving them. I had barely even worked toward them this time–a failure of mine for sure. Luckily my planner has a space where you can review and revise your goals every week if you choose to. Life is dynamic, not static, and things change. I just didn’t keep up with that part.

No biggie. I have done it now and have new goals in place!

• Daily relationship with God (the Universe, nature, whatever you choose to call it. I choose the name “God”)
• Pay off 1 credit card
• Exercise more days a week than not
• Make enough money myself to live on (this may seem obvious to some, but I haven’t had to do this since college)
• Continuously work on relationship with the people I love
• Learn something new every week
• Create new blog

I feel pretty good about being able to achieve these by June 7, which is when my current planner runs out and I set new goals as these are either achieved or become habits. I actually completed one of my “In  My Wildest Dreams” items: I went parasailing while in Grand Cayman. We were able to do a run just before the thunderstorms hit. This is me 400 ft. above the Caribbean Sea!

The End Is Near…

A series of random thoughts as I near the end of my Sorbet Year.

Radical humility is going from being a big fish in a small pond to being a minnow in a small pond.

The joy I feel when I come home at the end of my workday is directly proportional to how much my dog’s entire rear half wiggles back and forth upon seeing me. And the videos that my guy sends me in the middle of the day get me through the afternoon blahs.

I swing back and forth between faith and fear. The best way for me to not let fear win is by counting the small victories and illuminate the little joys in everyday life. I’m not very good at this, but at least I know what to do.

Since I’ve been exercising this week, I have felt mentally strong, happy and focused. This is a complete contrast to when I don’t work out, and I know this, but it doesn’t keep me from being lazy sometimes anyway.

I get really irritated with myself for missed opportunities. Like, if I had started P90X with my friend Ali when she did, I’d be on day 60 now. If I’d started when I originally got the DVDs, I’d be almost done with it twice over. I don’t know what is wrong with me that I didn’t stick to it. I guess there isn’t really anything “wrong” with me per se, just that I wasn’t ready to commit to it. Well, now I am. Today is day 3 (for like the 4th or 5th time) and when I hit double digit days, I’ll start acknowledging it publicly.

I mostly stopped drinking this past year, but for my upcoming birthday I REALLY want a good bottle of champagne and a good bottle of wine all to myself. Must figure out how to work that into the budget….

Snuggies and fruity drinks. What more is there?

Oh, and here’s another picture from the cruise–the Sloungewear pub crawl. We had a blast!

Tanner Tuesday!

Sometimes he looks goofy

It’s Tanner Tuesday! Last Saturday Tanner graduated from Obedience 1 class, the next class after puppy class. He did great, and I am so proud of him! When I take the time to work with him, he learns very quickly and is generally well-behaved. The biggest problems we’re dealing with now are his jumping on people and barking at anything that moves outside. OUR problems are that we enjoy play wrestling with him (which involves him jumping) and we want him to bark at people who come to our house so that they know we have a big dog. (They don’t need to know that our big dog will lick them to death.)

So I just need to take the time to train Tanner to settle I think, when he’s getting too rough. As for the barking, I have no idea how to train that out of him enough that he doesn’t annoy our neighbors. I’ll have to talk with Tammy about that one. She and Sarah are great trainers–very compassionate, positive reinforcement trainers, which is exactly what Tanner responds well to.

Lessons from my dog this week? When you put the time and effort into training early, then things are much easier later on.

I’m Baaaaack…New Goals Incoming

Today begins the last week of my Sorbet Year, and I’m trying not to freak out. I’ve been away for a couple of weeks (or more, I haven’t checked) due to the most awesome vacation ever

Brendan & Me with guys from Lifehouse

and starting a temp job immediately upon my return. Now that I’ve gotten back into the rhythm of a regular work schedule, I can refocus my mind on the tasks at hand in building the rest of my life.

I took a look at my goals set out for the last couple of months, and try as I might, I don’t know if I will be able to achieve them. Here they are to refresh your memory:

1. Get a job–preferably full time with benefits, but any equivalent amount of freelance work will do
2. Pay off 1 credit card
3. Complete 1 round (90 days) of P90X
4. Finish reading the Old Testament (even if it’s not in order)
5. Learn Adobe video editing software (ultimately I’d like to learn how to produce and/or direct movies)
6. Visit 1 friend and 1 family member

Like, I would LOVE to pay off a credit card right now, but then I would be cash-poor, and just have to build up expenses on it again anyway. I would also love to have a full time job that pays me what I need to make and has benefits, but that doesn’t appear to be happening either, in spite of my applying for a dozen jobs every week. I wanted to learn Adobe video editing software, but I can’t afford the program (it’s over $500!). I thought I would be motivated to complete a round of P90X workouts, but with all the travel I’ve been doing, that will not happen either.

Rather than look at these as failures, I realized that in my planner every week there is a section to review long and short range goals and revise them if necessary. If I’m making the rules, then why not make them so I can win, right? I don’t want to feel like a failure, but I also don’t want to aim so low that I miss out on possibly attaining so much more. It’s a delicate balance, so I need some time to marinate on it a bit. (Of course comments are welcome!)

In the meantime, I’m still job hunting, still working out as much as I can muster, still reading snippets of the Bible when I remember to, still paying off my credit cards and still searching for a creative outlet that reaches more people than my immediate family (dog included).

Mondays, Accountability and Flatware

I love Mondays because they are an opportunity to start over, recommit to whatever you let slack off the previous week, and feel like you’re back on track. That said, today is about wrapping up a lot of stuff for myself mentally because Wednesday I leave for the vacation of a lifetime and when I get back, my Sorbet Year will practically be over. Time to move on to whatever is next. This means accountability to the max to myself and those who love me. But mostly to myself because as my buddy Don Hall said in his blog recently:

SPOILER ALERT: we all croak in the end.  And, for most of us, the story of our lives will go untold to everyone but a handful of people.  The choices you make are FOR YOU.

When it comes to accountability, I did complete everything I set out to do last week except for workouts. For some reason I am just not motivated. I think because I was originally working out to get in shape for the cruise, and now cruise day is here and I blew it. Now everyone on the boat just has to contend with my large pasty ass. At least my boyfriend loves it, and I guess that’s what really matters.

Getting back to what Don said, this really resonated with me because lately I’ve been hyper-aware of my past choices. It’s not so much that my life has felt like a series of crossroads over this past year, but more like forks. I can look back and actually see where each fork in the road came, what my choices were at the time and where those choices have brought me now.

What is most maddening though, is that I can still see what my life would have been like if I had made different choices. Like I’m walking along one road, and I can still see parallel me walking another path next to me. Right now and for that past year life has been a struggle. Emotional turmoil, fear, stress, lots of moving to places where I don’t know people, very little paid work, dwindling savings… Sometimes I look at parallel me and wonder if she has the better life.

Then I remind myself what I gave up, not just in creature comforts, but in equivalent pain and emotional destruction. And I read things like what Don said, that the choices I make are for ME. In the end, my choices do not have a global impact, so I need to choose what I believe is going to make me the best person I can be and the person I WANT to be. Who I want to be is strong, successful by my terms, emotionally stable, connected spiritually to the greater good. I want to be fun and funny, optimistic and joyful, grateful and happy. Staying on my previous path would not have made me this kind of person, and even though right now at this moment things are hard, I would not trade it to be parallel me.

And you know what? Things aren’t even really that “hard.” The only really hard thing I’m dealing with right now is that I don’t have a job and it’s frustrating watching all my savings go away. Everything else in my life is really good. I’m in love with someone incredible. I have a great low maintenance house and  an awesome dog. I have weeded out the friends who don’t have my best interests in mind and am mending relationships that matter. For the most part life is good and I am happy with my choices. It’s a shame that money has such an effect my happiness. I am not unique in this, but it would still be great if my mind worked a little differently when it came to money.

Oh well, I’ll take all my forks in the road and make a place setting for my new life.

I Love The Way Focus Works

Since focusing on the job hunt I’ve started keeping a log of what I apply for and where I find the info. Just yesterday I found a job that not only would I be perfect for (if I say so myself) but is located in the part of Atlanta that I want to live. How cool is that? I may or may not get it, but I think it’s neat that I’m starting to see more positions that match what I want.

Today’s list is short because I have a lot of personal things to take care of:

• CIF: follow up with restaurants (this was the one thing I didn’t get done yesterday, so it tops today’s list)
• Workout
• Look for work online
• Apply at retail stores around town (I need SOMETHING while I look for my dream job)